Conformant thesis

Being a scientist

My friend Iria tagged me on "Acknowledge" note in Facebook. She seems to be done with her PhD. It was almost an honor to be witness of that. She commented on the people that help her through the PhD, that help her to find her way in academia. It make me to remember something said to me like 15 years ago when I ran into high school friend:

So, you are becoming a engineer! I always though you were going to be a scientist.

It was not the first time somebody told me that, but it was the first time so seriously said. Actually, some people in my town used to call me "Científico Loco", spanish of "Crazy Scientist". That was after a tv comic show or something like that. I kind on enjoyed it myself, and I don't blame them nowadays. It had to be weird to have a microscope and open "lagartijas" for amusement, in a tiny poor town. I also remember my excitation of seem hematies flowing through a "capilar" in the fresh taken blood of a lagartija. I remember the fear of dying when I inhalated Chlorine gas by accident and my mom was not at home.

I still feel underqualified for this bussiness, but so far I have figured out how to survive. It really help me to think what I really want to do, what do I wan to spend my time on. Yesterday, here, in the IVIC library, is was really hard to keep "writing". I had the desire to run away. Tons of details, small incoherence on the literature, and my body resisting through sleepiness and hungry.
Memory of myself help me out. I'm also going to do other things, but I least on going to finish this part soon, really soon. At least, I'll spend my time on it. Good time.

behind schedule on "related work"

I have meetings with the "coach" professor every Monday, 10am. This morning I told her about what has happened this week. It has been difficult to put in order all the related work to my thesis topic. I think I've worked it out, specially after reading the summary done in some older works that mine. Today I have some teaching to do, but tomorrow I should take the whole day until I get a full draft of the chapter done. I'll also have to contact a friend who offer to review it. I'll try to update this blog more frequently, BTW.

Barcelona in September

I'm not ready, by far, but I'm asking for permission (and traveling support) to be in Barcelona from September 15th until November 15th. If everything goes fine, I'll be presenting by the end of October or beginning of November. In the past weeks we have had accepted a journal paper about the main results of my dissertation. I also take a leave and worked on something else with my advisor and my office mate, that hopefully will be accepted in the next ICAPS conference. In such case, I'll be attending to the conference somewhere in Greece.

I'm scared but I think this is ok. I definitively should be able to have everything ready by the end of July. Another member of my department is helping me out to keep on schedule, through weekly meetings. This, and actually buying the tickets, is like jumping into the emptyness, knowing that you should be ready, shouldn't you?

I'm dropping most of the possible distractions, except the espontaneus ones; impossible to stop, but they won't survive any longer. I even willing to work on my birthday, on 17th, and avoiding get into the many activism issues that appear around me. For example, the venezuelan goverment established that spending money on Internet was a luxyry. Quite the contrarie. This is the moment to stress web based method to achieve greater efficiency. Anyway, I'm skipping this campaing. Want to know? Just look for #internetlujo on twitter.

I like this feeling, anyway, of closing stuff and going to the next level. I know I'm slower that lot of people around me who I admire and secretly feels envy of them. I doesn't matter. I'm not fighting myself, or at least not directly. I'm trying to use my own nature to do my best on that I think/feel/listen I should.

Guacara - Gualberto Ibarreto

(download)

This was one of the songs I was siging yesterday:

Title: Guacara
Sign Gualberto Ibarreto.
Lyric by Luis Mariano Rivero.

Hills and Songs

I was taking a break in the library, after having writing a few conclusions in a chapter. Through the window I can see one, two, until eight lines of hills in this beautiful mountain area. Outside, in the basement, there a group of birds, with slight differences between them, as Charles Darwin would have enjoyed to see. Next to them there are some trees I can recognize from Panaquire, the town where I grew up. Seeing in the following hills, through the mild, a surprise. There was someone, riding a horse, exactly over one of those hills, going slowly and happy to the clouds in this sunset sky.

I was singing Sabana (by Simon Diaz) and La Guacara (by Gualberto Ibarreto). The mood I got from those songs probably make realize all these details I just mentioned out. It may be the other way around too. You never know. Great and horrible things happend before they even appear on the consious mind.

BTW, I really need to present the thesis before summer. Otherwise it is going to be a messed. Next days I'm going to imagen I have a deadline and try to rush. For presenting by June, I guess I need to be sending the document to the department and selecting a jury* by mid-april. That means a month and a half left. Almost possible. Let's see.

PS: You are more than welcome to make comments about my English. I'm not revising any text written in this blog, as it's just for leaving a trace, having a break, and doing it in English, the language I'm written my dissertation in.

* Is it "tribunal" or "jury"? I don't have a diccionary here, offline. I'll write it down: have a real dictionary installed here in my ubuntu laptop.

Face it

Another working day in the library. As I said in the last post, I messed it up with notation and proofs. I spend the morning seeing a problem my office mate show me. That was new stuff. Exiting. After I found something that can solve that problem, being here, in the library, I was suppose to go back to the document. To that messy point where I left. Well... I put on some music to calm me down and also motivates me. I started writing in paper the whole schema of the proofs, the relation between them. I barely knew the answer before I stop working, complaining, last time. When I though I had it, I started again to edit all the relevant points. The writing is somehow worst than before, but now it's more clear. I should do this more frequently. Just put myself in front of it, and do something. This way grace happens.

Messed up

I'm trying to catch up with everything for finishing the first four chapters, and pass then for a friend reviewing them. Reviewing in a general sense, without getting into spell, etc. Just to see whether it makes sense or not.

I worked in some proof and notation of the last of these four chapters and got really lost. Different notation for the same thing. I wanted to reuse an argument I made in proof in a previous chapter, but the difference in terminology make it really hard to do. I was so lost that came home two hours before I was suppose to, have lunch, and just thinking in background about it. I think I'll found a way next time I try. I guess this is a good reason for working hard in a dissertation. Only going into the real problems, we can actually find a way to solve them.

Fog

I think I'm behind schedule by 3x the expected time. This way getting done will take until September. :-S

My time, as usual, is spent on teaching, reading stuff. When I finally have a day for working, the something else appears, as having to get my mother-in-law car to the mechanic. For some reason we couldn't do it this morning, so I took the chance and came to the IVIC library, to work a few hours (3.5h left).

Today is a gray day. Getting into the IVIC, through a 4km ascendant way, got me into a closed fog. When was a child, growing up in Barlovento, with tropical hot whether almost  the year, I missed the few opportunities of seen fog. I loved when I started university, as it was fairly common in those days (1991). One day I got to the conclusion than the fog, instead of limiting your view, actually let you realize that you don't see that much, anyway. We like to say we are objective, balanced, free of any prejuice. Fog somehow shows me the real nature of the world.

Schedule for finishing all

I'm finally catching up with preparing lectures. I've set up a set of soft deadlines for finishing writing by mid april. The mindmap was done using VYM (view your mind), an awesome tool I'm using nowadays for keeping track of things TODO. I still have a memo in my Palm TX, but for having everything in perspective, this graphical way may fit better for me.

I worked last saturday in the library in the Venezuelan Institute for Scientific Research (IVIC). I worked something like half of the time. Other time was invested on reading journals. I was suppose to work yesterday afternoon late, but I have a cold, so that's ok. I was also suppose to work today morning, but I needed to finish things up for lecture, this afternoon.

Today, I'm going to finish some stuff, and tomorrow I'll spend the whole day in IVIC library.

Also, I've setup work meetings for a college who is also trying to finish PhD thesis. She didn't shown up yesterday. Next meeting is on Friday, so we are willing to meet twice a week. Let's see if it helps.

BTW, Venezuelan political situation is getting complicated. I'm trying to not be distracted by it and work. I haven't been very good at it, having written a few post in my main mainly-political blog Rayas y Palabras (in spanish, btw). I'll try to publish a few post, trying to write them bad and not caring about. Trying to get them right is far more time consuming. Part of my schedule is to allow myself to do better coverage and analysis of Refedendum on Feb/15th if I'm on time with writing. On time, giving the schedule I've set up now, of course.

I'm not precisely hurrying up to finishing up, but pretending that if I work, something will advance, and that by that advance and will finish. That really sounds like wishful thinking, but it won't be the first time I progress by not hearing to that kind of voices inside me.

Releasing Code

About the rest of my work: We have made a submission to an important conference (not a part of my thesis). I have bid on papers for reviewing for the same conference. The term has started, and I'm trying to do my best so that the students learn and approve, both.

I should have release the software I've done for my thesis some months ago. This is done, so I'll do that in case any body wants to have a look at it. It's not that bad, but it's messy in some sense.

Also, I have set up a working meeting with a friend in my research group who is also trying to finish her PhD Thesis. Tomorrow is our first day.

At least I'm doing something.